phosphorescentt:

can we please destroy this idea that a person has to talk to you every minute of every day to like you

texting all day is not natural

force communication all hours of the day is not natural

sneakyfeets:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 

The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.

Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.

The End.

dump her

come-on-abs-what-happened-here:

jackadorian:

Always reblog what my first run looked like

every run of me looks like this

why ed sheeran is a lyrical genius

ed: it's alright to die cause death is the only thing you haven't tried but just for tonight hold on
ed: when my hair's all but gone and my memory fades and the crowds don't remember my name when my hands don't play the same strings the same way i know you will still love me the same
ed: i don't get waves of missing you anymore they're more like tsunami tides in my eyes
ed: you can fit me inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen next to your heartbeat where i should be keep it deep within your soul
ed: THEY SAY IM UP AND COMIN LIKE IM FUCKIN IN AN ELEVATOR

roseyjehan:

davidtennantspants:

I HAVE SEARCHED ACROSS THE AGES FOR THIS GIFSET

OH GOD THIS IS SO GREAT

baerials:

This is the BEST THING IVE EVER SEEN

the-chubby-nerd:

Story time:

While taking put the trash at work, I kicked this little bag of pennies. Obviously, since I’m poor, a grabbed them and threw them in my pocket before going on with the rest of my shift.

Close to the end of my shift, I remembered this bag of pennies, so I took it out and counted it out. 7 cents.

My coworker came up and started talking to me while I was doing this, so we chatted, the entire time, this tiny bag of pennies in my hand.

Meanwhile, one of my managers sees me and my coworker talking over this bag, immediately thinks that it’s drugs, yells, and grabs both of us and drags us to the back room.

So, we’re sitting there, me clutching this bag of pennies in my fist, while my manager gets my GM on the phone, yelling about how we were “trading drugs during our shift” and “endangering ourselves and other in the workplace.”

Within 10 minutes, my GM was there, papers in hand to terminate our employment, talking about how they should call the cops. I started crying, cause they wouldn’t let me get a word in edge-wise, my coworker was actually texting his dad the entire time, trying to get them to come fight for him.

It wasn’t until the GM asked what drug they were that they finally let me talk.

So, while I was sobbing, I opened my hand and dropped the bag in my manager’s hand.

And he bursts out laughing.

Within seconds I had explained everything, the pennies, the situation, everything.

I almost got fired and arrested over 7 pennies.

midesko:

Retail jobs summed up

❝ We need more understanding of human nature, because the only real danger that exists is man himself … We know nothing of man, far too little. His psyche should be studied because we are the origin of all coming evil. ❞

- Carl Gustav Jung (via psych-facts)

comfortspringstation:

Kitten rejected by mother and raised by golden retriever

attackonsociallife:

quibbs:

tyleroakley:

outlawsoflove:

My class pretended to play dead.

Just as the Mayans predicted, the apocalypse came with the signal of a cough.

these middle schoolers read better than my high school honors english class

I REALLY HAVE TO REBLOG THIS IM SORRY THE FUCKING TEACHER

❝ I think the problem is that I’m stuck waiting for him to do something, to make a move, to say the perfect thing. And the problem is that I shouldn’t be that girl, the one who sits and waits for him. I should be independent. I should think clearly and consistently without having my mind jump straight back to him. Yeah, falling for someone like that is the hardest thing to do. And the stupidest thing is that the thing standing in my way is fear of losing him, the fear of rejection, the fear that I might lose a friend that means everything to me. I want to be everything to him, but I’m not. I’m not the kind of girl he needs, and I’ll never be that girl. ❞

engage-with-zorp:

this next one’s a slow jam

submit Tags and Links
About Me